My3kids

10 years old

2009-02-19T21:29:00.002-07:00

Happy Birthday Cayson!!!

I can't believe my little boy is now ten years old. Where has the time gone? Cayson is having a birthday party on Saturday, so I'll post pics then, but I just wanted to say how much I love him and how glad I am to be his mom. I thought I would post ten things I love about Cayson in honor of his tenth birthday.

1. His smile

2. His infectious laugh

3. His imagination

4. His sensitivity

5. His creativity

6. His love for reading

7. His love of being a big brother

8. His love for learning

9. His friendly disposition

10. His heart

Pine Wood Derby

2009-02-19T21:17:00.003-07:00

Yep, it was that time of year again. I don't know who gets more excited - the boys or the dads! Cayson and Shawn had a fun time building their car this year. They decided on a Wii remote car with a Nintendo character, Boo, riding in it. It turned out cool! Cayson's car came in 10th out of 27 cars, so not too bad! He also got second place for "Best in Show". Everyone thought it was a great idea. We all had a fun night.
Cayson also received his Bear badge and one gold and one silver arrow point. Go Cayson!

Buzz Off

2009-02-18T13:11:00.002-07:00

So, as Christian and Cayson were relentlessly bugging Jillian, I thought it would be a great idea to teach her to tell them to buzz off. It worked, or so I thought, until a few minutes later I asked Jillian to do something, and she looked at me and said, "Buzz off." I guess that backfired.

Adorable

2009-02-05T18:45:00.004-07:00

So, this is one of Jillian's new things:

Someone will ask her if she is cute, and she will say, "No, adorable!"

Catch-up

2009-02-05T18:40:00.002-07:00

Wow, where has the time gone! The last few months have just flown by. We had a great holiday season. I could kick myself for not documenting all the fun times we've had. I'm back now, though, and my goal is to be on here more often.

Random thoughts

2008-11-14T16:06:00.002-07:00

My last post made me think back to when Jillian was just a newborn and how much her brothers adored and loved her. They sill do, of course, but there's just something about a tiny little baby. I had left Jillian laying on the bed with Cayson, and I overheard this:

Cayson: Jillian, do you know that you're our most prized possession?

" I Love Case Case"

2008-11-14T15:59:00.004-07:00

I have been trying to teach Jillian how to say, "I love you." Or better yet, "I love Mom."

She's either uninterested or just gets silly, and she won't say it. Well, last night we were in the car, when I was once again trying to get her to declare her love for me, when she snuggled up to Cayson and said, "I love Case Case." It was so sweet! Of course, Cayson loved that she said it to him first. He was quite pleased with himself. She hasn't said it since, but it just melted my heart. It was drawn out like. "IIIIIIIIIIIII LLLLooooooooooooovvvvee Case Case."

Bye-Bye Bottle!

2008-11-14T15:52:00.003-07:00

We have officially been bottle-free for five days! My goal was to take it away by eighteen months, so we're a few weeks early! It couldn't have gone any smoother. She hasn't asked for one or cried for one. I have noticed that she is drinking less than with the bottle, so I'll have to make sure I ask the doctor how much whole milk she is supposed to be getting at this age. Is it normal to drop down? Anyway, Yaaayyy for us!! (It does make me kinda sad knowing that she just isn't a baby anymore, though!)

15 years!

2008-11-14T15:38:00.004-07:00

I can hardly believe we have been married fifteen years!! It's just not possible. Aren't people who can say that old??? We decided to do something special and go on a quick get-away. The kids stayed with Grandma and Grandpa, and we went to the Anniversary Inn overnight. We had a great time. It was so relaxing and quiet!!! We enjoyed some much-needed time away. We stayed in the "Swiss Family Robinson" room. We had a chance to peek at some of the other rooms while we were there, and I can't wait to go back!

One, two, three...

2008-11-02T16:33:00.003-07:00

Jillian is learning to count! She has counted to three for quite a while now, and then to five a few weeks ago, but the other day she counted clear to ten! I was lucky enough to get this video a couple of days ago...

Happy Halloween!

2008-11-02T16:19:00.005-07:00

Monkeying Around

2008-10-24T09:34:00.004-07:00

We took the kids to the zoo a few days ago. It was Jillian's first time, and she had a blast! She LOVES elephants right now, so she especially loved watching them. Cayson's favorite was probably the penguins, and Christian's was the snakes. We had a good day. It was nice to get out and enjoy this fall weather.

CARPET!!!

2008-10-24T09:11:00.005-07:00

Our basment no longer has cold, cement floors!! The carpet was put down about a week ago, an we love it!!! I love how all the colors came together, too. I was a bit worried about that. The carpet guy made me feel better when he asked Shawn if he had a designer who picked out our colors because they were so different, and he really liked them.
We have had a lot of fun playing downstairs this last week. We don't have much of anthing down there yet, so it is just a big play area for the kids. Our upstairs is small and pretty cramped right now, so Jillian especially loves all the open space. She just dashed around that first day saying, "Run, Run, Run, Run!" It was really cute.
We still have lots of work to get the boys moved down. We are trying to declutter their rooms upstairs and talk them into getting rid of a bunch of stuff. We are going to go buy some closet organizers and blinds tonight, and the boys are also getting new mattresses. I'll post some more pics when it finally all comes together.

Happy Birthday!

2008-10-10T15:56:00.001-07:00

Happy 36th Birthday Shawn!!!
(I know he'll be so pleased that I added his age)

Gardner Village

2008-10-10T13:46:00.004-07:00

Last night we took the kids to Gardner Village. We had a great time. Jillian and Cayson went on a pony ride, and then we went to their petting zoo. I thought Jillian would be nervous and clingy, but she wanted down to play with the animals. She was so cute!
After that, we walked around the shops and went on a "Witch Hunt". We had to search for a list of different witches they had around the Village. After we found all the witches, the boys turned in their paper and got a chocolate chip cookie from the bakery.
The boys would tell you that their favorite part was going to Sweet Aftons and each getting $5.00 to spend however they wanted. It was fun watching them go throughout the store adding things up and trying to figure how they wanted to spend their money. When Cayson was done and said he was up to $4.95, Christian pointed out a $.05 Jolly Rancher to him. Never let five cents go wasted!
Anyway, it was a fun start to the season!

Spooky!!

2008-10-10T13:36:00.002-07:00

Okay, so my decorations might not necessarily be "Spooky", but we still had lots of fun doing it! I was so excited to get out my decorations this year. I thought we could all do it together and that the boys would have fun too, but I was pretty much abandoned to do it myself. Oh well, I still had fun! Anyone else decorate?

We're almost done painting!

2008-09-26T17:49:00.005-07:00

We are almost done painting! We only have touch-up work left to do. Our electrical is getting hooked up tomorrow, and we have carpet ordered!! I can't wait!!

This is Cayson's bedroom. We still need to put the border up.

This is Christian's bedroom.

This is our family/playroom. I was really worried about the colors at first and thought it might be too dark, but I really love it now!

Dirty Look

2008-09-26T17:44:00.002-07:00

So, this is one of Jillian's latest things. She can give people the dirtiest looks. I don't know where she got it from, but she will now do it on cue. We will say, "Jillian, can you give me a dirty look?" and this is what we get. This picture is the best I have, but it really doesn't give it justice. Now if I can get her high-pitch scream on video, I'll share that, too. It's great fun, let me tell ya!

Parent Teacher Conferences

2008-09-26T17:30:00.004-07:00

Christian had such a great report from his teacher. He is getting mostly A's, with one B+. He even has an A in his "regular" geography class. His teacher just adores him and thinks he is the sweetest kid ever. It was fun to see how he spends his days. He goes to the greenhouse for 1st and 2nd period, and he has geography and seminary for 3rd and 4th. His last few classes are in his "homeroom" where he can get more one on one. For PE he gets to play Wii Fit and do Tae-Bo and yoga. How fun is that?! He also has a study hall period where they help him with geography homework and do miscellaneous things when he's caught up, such as math. He also has a writing skills class. Christian really wants to give up study hall and do his homework at home just so he can go to a math class. What kid wants to do that?! He also gets social skills weekly with the school psychologist with a group of kids. It's such a great program.
We then went to the greenhouse and met the teachers over there. They were so nice, and we could tell they were so happy to have him there. They showed us the 4,000 poinsettias the kids were working on for the holiday season. I can't wait to go buy some and support the program! Christian really likes being there, and he is determined to save up for a laptop from the money he earns. Great idea, Christian!

Jillian

2008-09-26T17:12:00.002-07:00

Here's some pics I just thought I'd share....

Cute, huh?

Aloe Vera Plant

2008-09-10T13:12:00.004-07:00

Christian isn't one to ramble on about school or give many details about his day, but when he came home today, he was so excited to show me his Aloe Vera plant that he planted all by himself. His explanation went something like this:

"Do you know what kind of plant this is Mom? Don't you know that it's an Aloe Vera plant. Actually, it's a baby Aloe Vera, and we can keep replanting it over and over. We can replant the baby plants. Can we replant it? Can I sell them when I make more of them? Did you know that it has medicine in it?"

For Christian, that much detail is pretty non-existent, so I was so excited to see him this excited over something!

15 month check-up

2008-09-10T13:05:00.000-07:00

Jillian had her 15-month check up today. Where has the time gone?
She weighed in at 23 pounds even and was 31 inches long.
The doctor said she was doing great and even said she was pretty advanced in her speech. He was hoping for around 20 words. He said that is pretty typical at this age. He was really surprised when I told him it was much higher than that. Of course, little miss attitude wouldn't say anything for him, except, of course, "No!"

She also had two shots, which she handled like a trooper. She cried for a tiny bit, but she was more upset about having to lay down on the exam table.

She zonked out on the way home and is much happier now!

School News

2008-08-30T12:43:00.004-07:00

Christian came home with a packet of papers telling us about a work program at a nearby school, which services teenagers and people with disabilities up until the age of twenty-two. The school helps these kids learn life skills, social sills, work skills, and stuff like that. Anyway, his teacher recommended him to the program, and he had an "interview" there if we gave our permission. It is just down the street from his middle school. So yesterday he went and met with them, and he was "hired"! How cool is that? He will go there for 1st and 2nd period every day and work in their greenhouse. AND, he gets paid for it. He is so excited to have a "job"! I don't know how much he will make. I know it will be a small amount, but what a great idea. We even have to fill out a W2 form and everything, so they can issue him checks. He starts on Tuesday! They said parents were welcome to come and check it out at certain times, so I'm anxious to go see exactly what he'll be doing. I'll keep everyone posted!

Back to School Night

2008-08-30T12:38:00.002-07:00

Now I know where Jillian gets all her words from. I went to back to school night for Cayson, and as I was looking for his desk, his teacher told me he was quite the chatterbox, so she had to surround him by girls. Yep, girls on every single side of him. I don't think he minds that too much, though! For several months now, we've had the name Audrey spelled out with magnetic letters on our fridge. As I took in all the girls around him, I wondered which name would go up next! Oh well, knowing that he's a talker isn't the worst things I could find out from his teacher. i guess I'll take it.

Baby Talk

2008-08-26T08:04:00.013-07:00

Jillian is such a chatterbox! She jibber-jabbers all the time and has the cutest little voice! Her language skills have just exploded over the last few months. She is repeating so many things and says words that I had no idea she knew. As she is approaching 15 months, I thought it would be fun to document all the words she can say. (Yes, this is a bragging moment for Mom!)

*Please note that a good portion of these words might not be recognizable to others!

DaDa
Mama
Christian
Cayson
BaBa
Milk
Banana
Nummie
Bite
Yogurt
Cheese
Cracker
Chair
Bye-Bye
Go
Door
Shoes
Pants
Bow
Pretty
Brush
Bubble
Bath
Baby
Pooh Bear
Brown Bear
Eye
Ear
Hair
Nose
Mouth
Uh-Oh
Blankie
Night Night
Toes
Tickle
One
Two
Buckle
Ball
Wow
Cool
Thank You
Please
No
More
Soft
Quiet
Bite
Ow
Where did it go?
What's that?
Moo
Cow
Baa (Sheep)
Maa (Goat)
Neigh
Meow
Doggie
Ruff Ruff Rufff
Bzzzzzzz
Duck
Quack Quack
Hissssssssssss
Hooo Hooo (Owl)
Eee Eee Ooooh Oooohh Ahhhh Ahhh (Monkey)
Oooh hooo hoooo hoooo (Tigger sound)
Outside
Grandma
Grandpa
Crap (I'm so glad she knows this one)
Run away
Hello
Hi
Boo
Diaper
Ewwwwwwww
Wipes
Down
Dance
Come Here
Mirror
Remote
Loud
Quiet
All gone
The end

I'll add more to the list as think of them - I know I'm missing some.
What amazes me more, is what she understands. I think she is sooo smart! (Yes, this is her mother talking!) There is just never a day that goes by that I am not in awe of her. I love watching her figure things out, and I love watching her play. This age is so much fun!

9th Grade

2008-08-26T07:54:00.003-07:00

Christian started 9th grade yesterday! Wow, that makes me feel so old! He is quite the opposite of Cayson. He gets ready for school in a flash and has plenty of time leftover. He has all his supplies perfectly organized in his new backpack. Everything has a place. No nerves. No stress. He just tells me goodbye and heads out to wait for the bus. He looked so handsome with his new clothes and haircut. (Of course, my camera is having issues, so I'll have to post a pic later.) I think this is going to be a good year!

Random thoughts

2008-08-22T21:07:00.001-07:00

Christian: Mom, you're halfway to being really old.

The Birds and the Bees

2008-08-18T19:04:00.002-07:00

Explaining the birds and the bees to my kids is not something I've ever looked forward to, but it makes it that much more complicated when you are explaining it to a child with autism. Just how much info is appropriate? We didn't give out too many details, but after a conversation of how babies are made, Christian left the room. About thirty seconds later, he came back down the hall and said, "Well, I sure hope grandma and grandpa aren't doing any of that sex stuff, because they're definitely way too old to be having a baby."

Run Away

2008-08-18T19:02:00.003-07:00

As I was sitting on the floor with the diaper and wipes, Jillian took off down the hall as fast as she could...

Me: Jillian, you need your diaper changed. Where are you going.

Jillian: Run away.

Isn't that too cute?!?!?

All Dressed Up

2008-08-18T18:31:00.003-07:00

I just love this baby girl so much! She makes my heart smile when she twirls around and oooohs and aaahhhhhs over herself being so pretty. She already spends way too much time in front of the mirror...

Monster Bus

2008-08-18T18:12:00.004-07:00

Christian loves buses, so when he saw this monster bus in the Sears Parking lot, it was all he could talk about. He just had to have a ride on it. Shawn was a sport and went with them, and he liked it as much as the boys. Just thought I'd share a couple pics...

Dentist Nightmare

2008-08-18T18:00:00.005-07:00

Just when I thought my day couldn't get worse, Cayson had a dentist appointment this afternoon. We took him in last week complaining of a sore tooth, and it turned out to have an infection. Well, after a week on antibiotics, the dentist decided the tooth still needed to come out. Luckily, it was a baby tooth, so one might think this would be a simple and quick procedure.

Well, think again. For those of you who thought that obviously have not met Cayson. He FREAKS out over the dentist. The dentist hadn't even touched him yet, and Cayson was crying, then covering his mouth, then sobbing, then yes, screaming. He had a Star Wars movie playing for him, root beer gas hooked up to him, but will he relax? Of course not. I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide. I couldn't possibly be the mother of this panic stricken, out-of-control child, who sobbed when the assistant put the stupid suction straw in his mouth. The dentist had to get up and close the door, so he wouldn't scare the kids in the waiting room. Am I making a clear picture here? I had to help hold him down it was so bad. Where did he get this from? I know he wasn't trying to be a brat. For some reason, it just scares the crap out of him. He was shaking because he was so scared. After it was over, we had to stay extra just to get his heart rate down.

OH MY HECK!!! I'm so glad this day is nearing an end.

Fourth Grade

2008-08-18T17:36:00.005-07:00

I can't believe Cayson started 4th grade today! Where did the time go? It seems like I just brought him home from the hospital! He is growing up so fast. He chose his Clone Wars T-shirt and Pokemon shoes to wear for his first day. Such a boy!

For the past four years, Cayson has been bussed to school, but this year our neighborhood school is finally built, and we can see it from our front window. All we had to do was send him out the door and watch him walk down the sidewalk. Of course we had to remind him not to stop and pick up rocks, bottlecaps, straws, milk tops, you name it and I've found it in my washer, or else he would be late for school. Yes, only my son could be late when school is only a hop, skip and a jump away!

Then he was off, and I thought how nice it was for school to be back in. One boy down, one to go. I could work more easily, clean more easily, have more one-on-one time with Jillian. Yes, this could be good! Boy did I enjoy my hour of back to school! Yes, one hour. That was all it took before I got a call from school saying that Cayson had almost passed out at the flag ceremony outside and could we come get him. Sighhhh......I almost had it.

And yes, Cayson is just fine. I think it was just a case of the back-to-school jitters from my very sensitive nine-year old. We'll try again tomorrow....

School Shopping

2008-08-11T19:30:00.004-07:00

I remember making a day out of getting ready for school! It was so much fun and always something I looked forward to. I had to try on twenty different things before I found just the right outfit, and I always had a long list of stores I wanted to check out.
As my nieces got older, I would make a day out of it with Elizabeth and Jolyn. I was the one they wanted to take them shopping. I would watch them try on all their outfits, we would laugh and talk and go out to lunch. Such great memories...

Yes, fun school shopping is now just a memory for me. Why? Because I have BOYS! Arrrgghhh!!!
They are NO fun to shop with!! They want in and out and fast as they can. They have Star Wars and Pokemon on their minds. Christian just grabs the first pair of jeans he can find, and Cayson tells me that they all look the same to him. They're both distracted and talking about other things. I have to ask them both ten times which shirt they like best. Neither one of them want to try things on. "Do I have to?" they both say. This is not the school-shopping experience I envisioned as a mom. I wanted to be the laid back, cool mom who was fun to shop with - not the frustrated, disappointed mom who looks like she is ready to pull her hair out!

To ease my pain, I took Jillian to Carter's for some fall clothes. She's only one, but as she would grab a shirt and say "Cool", I knew there was hope!

CRAP, I just remembered the boys need shoes.....

Jillian's story

2008-08-01T13:47:00.000-07:00

I've wanted to write my experiences down for a long time but never have. Other blogs I've read recently (Dana, Tamra) have inspired me to finally do it!

Jillian Mirinda Larsen was born June 2, 2007. It was a Saturday morning when we left for the hospital. After 4 hours of labor, Jillian came into this world at 1:17 in the afternoon. She weighed in at 8 lbs 10 oz and was 21 inches long.
I, of course, cried when I was able to hold her for the first time. I was so excited to finally meet her. I looked at her in awe, thinking how pretty she was and couldn't believe she was mine. She had dark hair and such a pretty complexion. I couldn't have been happier. Shawn was such a proud daddy and couldn't stop smiling as he held her. He even played her some Star Wars music on his cell phone. I could tell that she instantly had him wrapped around her finger.
We were so happy to finally have our little girl. We had been waiting and praying for six years to have another baby, and now she was finally here! We knew that we were supposed to have her in our family, and we never gave up hope. The years of waiting didn't seem to matter anymore as I held her. It was perfect timing, and I couldn't imagine having her at any other time in my life. I knew that we had waited for a reason and that we had learned something from it. Here is Jillian's story.

This was our family 1 year before Jillian was born. Christian was 12 that summer, and Cayson was 7. It had been five years since we had decided to try for another baby. The boys were growing up so quickly, and sometimes we wondered if starting over was crazy. It had been so frustrating and heartbreaking month after month finding out I wasn't pregnant, especially after so many years. We thought our prayers had finally been answered when I found out I was expecting the beginning of June. We were so happy and excited. We were finally going to have our baby, or so we thought.

I was feeling wonderful. I was sick and feeling pregnant, but I was so happy that it didn't matter. I went in for some blood work on a Wednesday and Friday. It was a routine thing they do to measure the level of hormones in my body. They were supposed to double every day, so I had to do it twice. On Saturday, everything changed. I was feeling just fine, but I was bleeding. I tried to tell myself that it was normal and that everything was fine. I went about my day trying hard not to think about it, but down deep that was all I could think about. On Sunday morning, nothing had changed. I was preparing my Relief Society lesson that I had to teach that day. I couldn't concentrate very well, as my thoughts kept turning to the baby I was carrying. My lesson that day was on the scriptures and finding answers in them. I finally put my lesson aside and starting praying. I asked Heavenly Father for everything to be alright. I told him how much I loved and wanted that baby. I told him that I just needed to know what was going to happen, so I could feel peace. I said that my lesson was on finding answers in the scriptures, so if that was true, to give me an answer. I picked up my scriptures and starting thumbing through them. I felt discouraged and alone. I didn't really think I would find anything. Just as I was about to give up, my scriptures fell open to a verse in the Bible. I stopped and read it as it called out my name. I don't remember the exact words or exact verse, but it said something like this: "The mother will not be strong enough to deliver. " I remember reading and rereading that passage as a numbness came over my body. I closed my scriptures and tossed them aside. (That's why I don't remember exactly where it was.) I didn't want to believe it. It was just a coincidence I told myself. I wouldn't tell Shawn what happened, and I went to church and taught my lesson. Deep down, I was scared, but I wouldn't let anyone see that. Monday morning I awoke in pain. I called my nurse at once. My blood work had come back, too. Everything had looked good on Wednesday, but my hormone levels had dropped by Friday. Between that and the pain, she said that I would miscarry, and there was nothing I could do about it. I don't think I have ever cried harder in my life. I was devastated. Shawn was too, but he tried to be strong for me. I lost the baby Tuesday morning.

On Tuesday afternoon, I sat at the kitchen table with my scriptures. I didn't understand why I had lost the baby, especially after so many years of trying. I definitely questioned why it had happened because I felt like that was our one and only chance at having another baby. I decided the best thing to do was to go to Heavenly Father in prayer. I prayed for peace and comfort and asked Heavenly Father to help me through it. I told him that I couldn't physically or emotionally go on with this trial any longer and that if we weren't supposed to have anymore children, to please let me know so that I could accept it and move on. After I prayed, I began looking through my scriptures. I had found my last answer there, so I wondered if it was possible to happen again. I came upon a passage, again in the Bible, that caught my eye. I felt peace come over me when I read, "The Lord will respect you, and you will be fruitful and multiply".

On Wednesday, I had to go to the doctor to get a shot. After leaving, I was feeling especially down. I had just been in a doctor's office full of pregnant women. I was crying in the car as I was driving home. I wanted to believe in the experience I had the day before and believe that I would one day have a baby. You would think that would be enough, but I found myself praying to Heavenly Father and asking for more. I told him that it was too hard for me to wonder if I was pregnant every month. I couldn't start that over again. I told him I believed it would happen, but I just wanted to know when. I really didn't think I would get an answer to that question. I was asking too much. But as I was praying, I had a feeling come over me to be quiet and turn up the radio. The radio had been on all along, but it was down so low that I hadn't even realized. I didn't think much about it as I turned the radio up, but then it happened. A song was just starting. A song I knew and had heard many, many times. At first, I didn't think anything about it, but as I listened to the words, I felt like they were spoken directly to me.

Green Day - Wake Me Up When September Ends

Summer has come and passed

The innocent can never last

Wake me up when September ends

Like my fathers come to pass

Seven years has gone so fast

Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again

Falling from the stars

Drenched in my pain again

Becoming who we are

As my memory rests

But never forgets what I lost

Wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and passed

The innocent can never last

Wake me up when September ends

Ring out the bells again

Like we did when Spring began

Wake me up when September ends

I felt this incredible, overwhelming peace as I listened. It talked about how 7 years had gone by so fast. Cayson was 7. It talked about being drenched in pain. That is certainly how I felt. It said my memory would rest, but I would never forget what I lost. Oh, and one more thing. It said I could celebrate like I had in the spring and that I would wake up when September ends. I knew it was crazy. I knew no one would believe me. But that was my answer. I would be pregnant by the end of September. Was it really possible to have such an exact, clear answer?

Of course, I didn't tell Shawn what had happened. I didn't want September to come and go and end up looking like an idiot. But I did hint to him. I would tell him that I was okay and that my guess was the end of September. He would just look at me. I think he was worried about me getting my hopes up. He probably thought I was crazy.

I went to see the doctor the end of June. I didn't know how long he would want me to wait before trying again. I had heard many times over that you should wait a few months, so your body can recover. And yes, that is exactly what he said. My heart sank. If I had to wait that long, then I would never be pregnant by the end of September, and everything I experienced was just too crazy to have happened. (I was already second guessing myself) As the doctor was leaving the room, halfway out actually, he stopped and came back in. He just stood there, then looked at me. I was shocked when he proceeded to tell me that If we needed to wait and give ourselves time to recover mentally, that we should take all the time we need, but if we were ready, I was just fine physically and we could begin trying. My heart was so full. Maybe I just wasn't so crazy after all.

Of course, all was easier said than done. The reason I had such a hard time getting pregnant is because I don't ovulate very often. The doctor didn't want to put me on anything just yet. He wanted me to wait a month to see if my cycle would start on its own. JUST GREAT. I tried to stay positive. If September was supposed to happen, then of course things would go right with my body. WRONG. Now it is the end of July, and nothing! I have two months left before the end of September and now what? That's right, I'm going on birth control. Uh, doesn't that go against the whole baby thing? Fast forward...

Now it is the end of August, and I can finally go off the pill. A few days into September, I started my Clomid. Okay, let's look at the big picture here. We had been trying, unsuccessfully, for 5 1/2 years now, and I am supposed to believe that I can get pregnant in the next few weeks? I think I was testing Heavenly Father. Not to give out too much information, but there was only 1 chance that month for me to get pregnant. There was no way! Of course I was second guessing everything that had happened. The rest of the month seemed to me to have been the longest ever. I was anxious, worried, nervous and scared. Maybe I had just imagined it all...

At the end of September, I was feeling nauseous and tired. Could it be? I knew I didn't need to take a test to tell me that it was true. We would be able to celebrate again.

After talking to Shawn and telling him my experience, he told me that he had been praying, too. When I had gone on the Clomid the beginning of September, he told Heavenly Father that it was too hard to watch me go through this anymore and that if I wasn't pregnant by the end of the month then that was it. He would know it wasn't meant to be and we would move on.

I know that Heavenly Father loves me, and I know he has a plan for me. I know that I went through this as a learning experience. I know with all my heart that He hears my prayers and answers them. I know that they are not all answered to this degree, but I now know that I won't second guess the answers I get. I know that he cares about what I am going through. I know that when I feel the spirit, I need to listen. Jillian is our little miracle, and we love her so much! I thank God every day for the gift He gave me.

Now I'm almost afraid of asking if we're supposed to have another one... I told Shawn it was his turn.

Wrapped around his finger

2008-08-01T09:17:00.000-07:00

So, last night we're at Wal-mart, and the boys each wanted an action figure. Shawn told them they would have to use their own money because we weren't buying toys tonight. Shawn then came to find me and Jillian a couple of aisles over, and she was holding a toy, pointing and jabbering away and giving it hugs. He then turned around and told the boys to go back and get the one they wanted because he had to buy Jillian what she was holding. Boy, does she know how to work Daddy, and she doesn't even know it yet! Wait until she figures it out....

What's in a color?

2008-07-29T12:01:00.000-07:00

SERIOUSLY, why is choosing paint so stressful for me!!!
I decided I wanted something different. Upstairs has no color, mostly because I was afraid of doing something I would regret, so I want color downstairs!
After deciding I wanted green, I couldn't decide which green. UGH!
Finally, after months of trying to choose, we bought our paint last night!! No turning back now!
We decided on sage greens. One wall will be a darker green, while the rest of the living room and hallway will be half lighter green and brown.
Christian, of course, is going all green. Did you expect anything different? He also wanted green ceilings, green carpet, green light switches - you name it he wanted it - but green walls and a green bedspread is where the green ends. He's happy, though. When we showed him the green swatch we were thinking of, he said "That'll do."
Cayson's walls will be brown three quarters of the way up, a sports border, then blue paint the rest of the way up. He wanted all blue, but with blue furniture, we had to break it to him that his room would look like a big blueberry if we did that. He was also hoping we could spray paint his carpet blue, so it would look "icy".
I sure hope they get their decorating abilities from Shawn....

So pretty!

2008-07-29T10:34:00.000-07:00

What a little princess I have on my hands! Jillian loves us to tell her she's "Soooo pretty".

She has a little container full on hair clips, and she brought it to me and wanted me to put them all in her hair while I, of course, told her how beautiful she was. As I put each one in, she would go "Ohhhhhhhh", then headed off towards the mirror to get a look at herself.

Our basement...

2008-07-29T09:54:00.000-07:00

We are so excited to FINALLY be finishing our basement. We are so cramped and cluttered right now, and it's so frustrating. Jillian is still in our bedroom with us, along with my office, so it's pretty much wall-to-wall everything! Not to mention toys in the living room, and kitchen, and hallway.... I have to keep reminding myself how grateful I was to build this house 7 1/2 years ago - WOW! Has it really been that long? - It's small, but it's ours! We have so many memories of raising our boys here and bringing Jillian home from the hospital. We know without a doubt that we were led here. The people around us have truly blessed and changed our lives, and moving to a bigger house could never replace that. So, finishing our basement is the next best thing!
The boys are each getting a new room downstairs, and we also are finishing a family/play room! It will double our living space! We won't feel like we're on top of each other anymore. Jillian will then move into Cayson's room, and my office will move to Christian's room. Finishing the laundry room and bathroom isn't in the cards right now, but we're hoping to do that in the next year or so. We should be ready to paint by the end of the week! I'll post pics later.
I just need to remind myself to be grateful for what I have and not think about what I don't. We are truly blessed!

Here goes nothing....

2008-07-29T09:29:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I am officially a "Blogger" now! Not that I'm not busy enough already - running after a one-year-old, keeping the boys busy on summer vacation, cleaning the bathrooms, mopping the floor, changing diapers, stopping fights, running to Wal-mart, editing, picking out paint for walls, meetings, church responsibilities, sanding & painting the boys' new furniture, making phone calls, taking pictures for Christian's summer scrapbook, cooking dinner, picking up toys, more editing, 20 trips to Lowe's, scouts, did I mention picking up toys? - but now I am going to add one more thing to my list. I must be crazy! Actually, I hope this will be relaxing for me and give me a creative outlet, not to mention that journaling our everyday moments will make me happy.

Let the Blogging begin!