Saturday, August 30, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
- Pooh Bear
- Brown Bear
- Night Night
- Thank You
- Where did it go?
- What's that?
- Baa (Sheep)
- Maa (Goat)
- Ruff Ruff Rufff
- Quack Quack
- Hooo Hooo (Owl)
- Eee Eee Ooooh Oooohh Ahhhh Ahhh (Monkey)
- Oooh hooo hoooo hoooo (Tigger sound)
- Crap (I'm so glad she knows this one)
- Run away
- Come Here
- All gone
- The end
I'll add more to the list as think of them - I know I'm missing some.
What amazes me more, is what she understands. I think she is sooo smart! (Yes, this is her mother talking!) There is just never a day that goes by that I am not in awe of her. I love watching her figure things out, and I love watching her play. This age is so much fun!
Friday, August 22, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
Well, think again. For those of you who thought that obviously have not met Cayson. He FREAKS out over the dentist. The dentist hadn't even touched him yet, and Cayson was crying, then covering his mouth, then sobbing, then yes, screaming. He had a Star Wars movie playing for him, root beer gas hooked up to him, but will he relax? Of course not. I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide. I couldn't possibly be the mother of this panic stricken, out-of-control child, who sobbed when the assistant put the stupid suction straw in his mouth. The dentist had to get up and close the door, so he wouldn't scare the kids in the waiting room. Am I making a clear picture here? I had to help hold him down it was so bad. Where did he get this from? I know he wasn't trying to be a brat. For some reason, it just scares the crap out of him. He was shaking because he was so scared. After it was over, we had to stay extra just to get his heart rate down.
OH MY HECK!!! I'm so glad this day is nearing an end.
For the past four years, Cayson has been bussed to school, but this year our neighborhood school is finally built, and we can see it from our front window. All we had to do was send him out the door and watch him walk down the sidewalk. Of course we had to remind him not to stop and pick up rocks, bottlecaps, straws, milk tops, you name it and I've found it in my washer, or else he would be late for school. Yes, only my son could be late when school is only a hop, skip and a jump away!
Monday, August 11, 2008
As my nieces got older, I would make a day out of it with Elizabeth and Jolyn. I was the one they wanted to take them shopping. I would watch them try on all their outfits, we would laugh and talk and go out to lunch. Such great memories...
Yes, fun school shopping is now just a memory for me. Why? Because I have BOYS! Arrrgghhh!!!
They are NO fun to shop with!! They want in and out and fast as they can. They have Star Wars and Pokemon on their minds. Christian just grabs the first pair of jeans he can find, and Cayson tells me that they all look the same to him. They're both distracted and talking about other things. I have to ask them both ten times which shirt they like best. Neither one of them want to try things on. "Do I have to?" they both say. This is not the school-shopping experience I envisioned as a mom. I wanted to be the laid back, cool mom who was fun to shop with - not the frustrated, disappointed mom who looks like she is ready to pull her hair out!
To ease my pain, I took Jillian to Carter's for some fall clothes. She's only one, but as she would grab a shirt and say "Cool", I knew there was hope!
CRAP, I just remembered the boys need shoes.....
Friday, August 1, 2008
I, of course, cried when I was able to hold her for the first time. I was so excited to finally meet her. I looked at her in awe, thinking how pretty she was and couldn't believe she was mine. She had dark hair and such a pretty complexion. I couldn't have been happier. Shawn was such a proud daddy and couldn't stop smiling as he held her. He even played her some Star Wars music on his cell phone. I could tell that she instantly had him wrapped around her finger.
We were so happy to finally have our little girl. We had been waiting and praying for six years to have another baby, and now she was finally here! We knew that we were supposed to have her in our family, and we never gave up hope. The years of waiting didn't seem to matter anymore as I held her. It was perfect timing, and I couldn't imagine having her at any other time in my life. I knew that we had waited for a reason and that we had learned something from it. Here is Jillian's story.
This was our family 1 year before Jillian was born. Christian was 12 that summer, and Cayson was 7. It had been five years since we had decided to try for another baby. The boys were growing up so quickly, and sometimes we wondered if starting over was crazy. It had been so frustrating and heartbreaking month after month finding out I wasn't pregnant, especially after so many years. We thought our prayers had finally been answered when I found out I was expecting the beginning of June. We were so happy and excited. We were finally going to have our baby, or so we thought.
I was feeling wonderful. I was sick and feeling pregnant, but I was so happy that it didn't matter. I went in for some blood work on a Wednesday and Friday. It was a routine thing they do to measure the level of hormones in my body. They were supposed to double every day, so I had to do it twice. On Saturday, everything changed. I was feeling just fine, but I was bleeding. I tried to tell myself that it was normal and that everything was fine. I went about my day trying hard not to think about it, but down deep that was all I could think about. On Sunday morning, nothing had changed. I was preparing my Relief Society lesson that I had to teach that day. I couldn't concentrate very well, as my thoughts kept turning to the baby I was carrying. My lesson that day was on the scriptures and finding answers in them. I finally put my lesson aside and starting praying. I asked Heavenly Father for everything to be alright. I told him how much I loved and wanted that baby. I told him that I just needed to know what was going to happen, so I could feel peace. I said that my lesson was on finding answers in the scriptures, so if that was true, to give me an answer. I picked up my scriptures and starting thumbing through them. I felt discouraged and alone. I didn't really think I would find anything. Just as I was about to give up, my scriptures fell open to a verse in the Bible. I stopped and read it as it called out my name. I don't remember the exact words or exact verse, but it said something like this: "The mother will not be strong enough to deliver. " I remember reading and rereading that passage as a numbness came over my body. I closed my scriptures and tossed them aside. (That's why I don't remember exactly where it was.) I didn't want to believe it. It was just a coincidence I told myself. I wouldn't tell Shawn what happened, and I went to church and taught my lesson. Deep down, I was scared, but I wouldn't let anyone see that. Monday morning I awoke in pain. I called my nurse at once. My blood work had come back, too. Everything had looked good on Wednesday, but my hormone levels had dropped by Friday. Between that and the pain, she said that I would miscarry, and there was nothing I could do about it. I don't think I have ever cried harder in my life. I was devastated. Shawn was too, but he tried to be strong for me. I lost the baby Tuesday morning.
On Tuesday afternoon, I sat at the kitchen table with my scriptures. I didn't understand why I had lost the baby, especially after so many years of trying. I definitely questioned why it had happened because I felt like that was our one and only chance at having another baby. I decided the best thing to do was to go to Heavenly Father in prayer. I prayed for peace and comfort and asked Heavenly Father to help me through it. I told him that I couldn't physically or emotionally go on with this trial any longer and that if we weren't supposed to have anymore children, to please let me know so that I could accept it and move on. After I prayed, I began looking through my scriptures. I had found my last answer there, so I wondered if it was possible to happen again. I came upon a passage, again in the Bible, that caught my eye. I felt peace come over me when I read, "The Lord will respect you, and you will be fruitful and multiply".
On Wednesday, I had to go to the doctor to get a shot. After leaving, I was feeling especially down. I had just been in a doctor's office full of pregnant women. I was crying in the car as I was driving home. I wanted to believe in the experience I had the day before and believe that I would one day have a baby. You would think that would be enough, but I found myself praying to Heavenly Father and asking for more. I told him that it was too hard for me to wonder if I was pregnant every month. I couldn't start that over again. I told him I believed it would happen, but I just wanted to know when. I really didn't think I would get an answer to that question. I was asking too much. But as I was praying, I had a feeling come over me to be quiet and turn up the radio. The radio had been on all along, but it was down so low that I hadn't even realized. I didn't think much about it as I turned the radio up, but then it happened. A song was just starting. A song I knew and had heard many, many times. At first, I didn't think anything about it, but as I listened to the words, I felt like they were spoken directly to me.
Now it is the end of August, and I can finally go off the pill. A few days into September, I started my Clomid. Okay, let's look at the big picture here. We had been trying, unsuccessfully, for 5 1/2 years now, and I am supposed to believe that I can get pregnant in the next few weeks? I think I was testing Heavenly Father. Not to give out too much information, but there was only 1 chance that month for me to get pregnant. There was no way! Of course I was second guessing everything that had happened. The rest of the month seemed to me to have been the longest ever. I was anxious, worried, nervous and scared. Maybe I had just imagined it all...
After talking to Shawn and telling him my experience, he told me that he had been praying, too. When I had gone on the Clomid the beginning of September, he told Heavenly Father that it was too hard to watch me go through this anymore and that if I wasn't pregnant by the end of the month then that was it. He would know it wasn't meant to be and we would move on.
Now I'm almost afraid of asking if we're supposed to have another one... I told Shawn it was his turn.